Episode Transcript
[00:00:14] Speaker A: I had to change how I was living. So I changed the way I eat, changed the way I felt so I could change the way I speak. I stopped listening to music that was changing now, I think then I put the liquor down. Was time to change the way I drink. Please don't take it personal. I'm taking care of me. Dressing by my feet.
[00:00:33] Speaker B: Welcome to Becoming her with Ashley Martin.
A space for the woman who was ready to heal, grow and become the version of herself that she has always knew she could be.
I am your host, Ashley Martin, and together we are becoming you guys. I just want to take, start, start this off with just taking a deep breath.
So if you're driving, if you're walking, if you're listening to this at work, wherever, wherever you are, let's just take a deep breath.
It has been a long week for me already and the last three weeks or so has been even longer and has scratched me in ways that I didn't know or I didn't knew I could be scratched that much.
And so for the last month or so, or the last three and a half weeks to a month or so, my son Messiah has had some vascular issues with his legs and or not for the last week or so. Let me back up.
For years, my son Messiah has had issues with his legs, some vascular issues.
And so over the last three and a half weeks, we have been dealing with some health issues regarding that. He had surgery on 31 July, and then right after that we started having some complications because of that surgery. And so he had three procedures in less than than one month. And my son wasn't able to walk for a couple weeks.
And so emotionally that took a toll on me. I'm watching my son, who is so independent, who does everything for himself, just about within reason, not being able to walk, it was hard for me emotionally.
And it made me realize that we as women mostly, and I'm going to acknowledge the fathers too, but I'm speaking to women, particularly when we have to do something that, you know, on the day to day, you may think, I cannot, in my case, I cannot lift that boy. Like I'm not picking up Messiah.
But when my son was unable to walk, I found myself picking my son up, taking him to and from the restroom when he needed it. And not only that, picking him up and putting him in our vehicle to take him to the doctor's appointments that he had and taking him out of the vehicle, picking him up, carrying him. And so when I said earlier that it scratched me in Ways.
That's one of the ways I didn't know that I possess that strength. But as a mother, as a woman, we do what we. We need to do.
And so the prayers, the support was something that not only helped me get over that, those trying times, and we're still navigating those things, but it helped me just remember that even in the thick of things, even when everything is happening at once and you still have to show up, it reminded me how powerful, you know, encouragement is, because oftentimes I am the encourager, but I find my. I found myself needing that encouragement, and it helped me get through every moment.
You know, a lot of times we say, let's take it day by day, but truly, when you're going through some of the hardest times, you're not thinking about taking it day by day.
Most of the times you're thinking about taking it one moment at a time.
And I was reminded that in spite of all of the things that was going on at one, like, at once, like so many things was just happening, I still had to show up. I still had to show up for Ashley.
I still had to show up for my other kids.
And so being stretched in so many different ways just reminded me how I am always becoming.
Becoming this woman who, you know, through everything, I can say, girl, you did it.
And that is something that I constantly remind my friends, remind anyone that I come in contact with, with, or have the privilege to talk with, is that you can get through anything. It's just mindsets, his mindsets. And it's also just remembering to, you know, be present, be present for yourself.
Just know that in the. In the thick of things, that. How you respond to adversity, that is going to.
Basically, it's gonna manifest the. The outcome that you have, just how you think about things. And so I had to remind myself in those moments being very, you know, just emotional, because it wasn't always me reminding myself that everything is going to work out.
I had moments where, you know, one particular night, I. My son was lying on a chair, and I just saw the frustrate, the frustration and the sadness, you know, in his face.
And I was sitting at our dinner table, and I looked over at him and I started sobbing. I started crying so much. And my husband and my other kids were upstairs, and it was just Messiah. And I. And I got up from the table and I went and I laid beside him.
And even though my son was unable to walk for, at this point, a week and a half, he rubbed my back and told me, mommy, I'm okay. Well, I'm going to be okay, don't you worry.
And I'm constantly reminded that those moments are like forging, just fortifying and just allowing me to become, to become even better version of myself.
Because there has been a lot of times where I have gotten so frustrated with my, with Messiah just being transparent. You know, my son was born 23 weeks prematurely, had, you know, has some unique needs, some people would say some special needs.
And so over the years it has been hard, it has been a lot of challenges and I'm human. I've grown very frustrated in, in, in some instances of him constantly want, wanting to mess with the dishwasher, cuz he loved dish, you know, the dishwasher, he loves laundry. And so Messiah will go and load the dishwasher, unload it, only to load it back up. And I become so frustrated. But it reminded me that this kid with unique needs not only having the mindset that I'm going to be okay, but just being able to exude a certain like, optimism or just be optimistic. Like although he's not able to walk, you know, he's able to realize or comprehend or just project that I'm going to be okay.
And so if Messiah, a kid with a lot of challenges, if he can have a positive mindset and say I am going to be okay even through the thick of, you know, what he was going through, not being able to walk. And like I said earlier, a kid who is very mobile, like when he gets up in the morning, he doesn't sit down. If Messiah can have that mindset, so can you.
So no matter what you're dealing with, no matter what it is, I need you to remind yourself that it is power in the pause.
So sometimes you do have to pause, sometimes you do have to take many deep breaths and you have to affirm just like Messiah affirmed.
Gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
Don't ever give up.
You know, I learned that just reflecting, I realized that sometimes pain and purpose, they run parallel.
And oftentimes and when I look back over my life, I realized that I had to walk both at the same time.
But I'm here.
I am here because of the pain.
It was the purpose then. And that pain had purpose.
So when you're going through whatever it is, health challenges, financial challenges, relationship challenges, mental health challenges, identity challenges, whatever it is, realize that there is purpose in pain.
And I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're not behind, you're becoming.
So if you ever feel like, oh, I just need to do this. I need to do this because my time is, you know, just running out.
[00:11:40] Speaker A: No.
[00:11:42] Speaker B: Or I haven't done this, or I haven't, you know, whatever it is you're becoming, you're not behind.
So remember that.
Remember that when you're being so hard on yourself, give yourself grace.
That's exactly what I had to do over the last three and a half weeks.
Because again, it's grace and the chaos.
Life is not always what they say, peaches and creams.
But it's important for you to realize that even when you are going through the most hardest of times, there's always a lesson to be learned.
And some, sometimes, you know, life will present the same situations over and over and over again.
And perhaps maybe you're just not learning the lesson or receiving the lesson in whatever it is that you are continuing to just endure or experience.
And I want it to be my life's mission to not only remind myself constantly, but remind others that when you are dealing with a difficult situation, when you are dealing with the, the pain and just all of the things that are the opposite of happiness and joy and fulfillment, when you're dealing with the emotions that we don't like to experience most the time, there's a reason, there's a lesson to be learned.
And oftentimes what we go through is not just for us. Sometimes God just looks at us and like, I want to use you.
I want to use you. Because when you go through whatever you, you, you, you're going through and you get on the other side, you are going to be such a powerhouse.
People are going to be just like me. I feel like I am a magnet. Like I'm, I'm so magnetic, magnetic when it comes to encouraging and people wanting that encouragement. Which is why I feel like I'm right here, right now.
And I'm not here because of just, oh, I want to be. I. I am here for so many reasons. And a lot of those reasons are rooted in pain and discomfort and embarrassment and identity, having so many identity crisis.
But I overcame every single thing that was meant to destroy me, to have me in a mental health ward.
I am healed. I am whole.
I know who I am.
I know where I'm going.
At least I think I am, because God can surprise us.
But I have a clear path or clear idea of what I want.
And I can remember a time when I was so confused.
I didn't know if I was, like they say, coming or going.
But it took work.
It took for me to be intentional. And I remember talking about my 21 day fast.
And I think it was episode two, perhaps episode one, the first one. And if you guys haven't listened to episode one, I need you to go listen, okay? But I was talking about my 21 day fast, but that was one of the tools that I used to just even push me further into this healed version of myself.
And that was denying myself of something that we, you know, I thought that we need, which is food.
So for 21 days.
21 days.
And I'm not saying this, you know, for any other reason, but to let you know that I was a person who.
So undisciplined, but I knew that I needed that.
I knew I needed that. And it was shortly after my husband endured a situation that, you know, was life threatening.
There. There were so many emotions. So I knew I needed something to help me become or not be. Well, yes, become. But to be face to face with Ashley. Ashley needed to be face to face with herself.
And so for 21 days, I denied myself a food.
And after those 21 days, I not only had a clearer mindset, but it made me believe in the power.
I. I thought that I knew the power of. Of the mind, but it made me believe how powerful the mind is and also made me acknowledge how real that voice is. The voice in my last episode, I refer to as the voice that is not of your own.
Because there were so many times that that voice said, you are starving.
8.
And for me, it was like, no, no, no, I want more.
And so if you find yourself in that space where you want more and you're ready for more, I'm not suggesting that you do what I did, but I am suggesting that you start looking at things differently.
You start being intentional about what you're saying to yourself. That was in the last episode. If you haven't listened to that one, go listen, please.
But I talked about self. I talked about internal dialogue, what we say to ourselves.
And so in conclusion, I want you guys to know that I don't always get it right. I don't have everything figured out.
But what I do know is that I am going to always continue to become who. Become the best version of myself.
Become present for the people around me.
Become even more present. Let me put emphasis on that. Even more present for the people around me.
And to be that catalyst for change.
You know, oftentimes we want to see changes in other people, But I think it was Muhammad Gandhi that said, be the change that you want to see in the world.
And recently that's something that has resonated with me, that I have to continue to be the change that I want to see, that I want to see in my family, that I want to see and you know, the people that I come in contact with.
And I, I'm just so overcome with gratitude for, for all of the prayers because there was so many comments. I posted a video on Facebook and of. Of Messiah and I shared a video.
And although I have been emotionally like just spent out like just have been pouring for from a very limited cup, I still decided to show up. And I just posted a video of Messiah being home and there were just so many comments and so many people who said that they were praying for, for him, praying for us.
And I'm very grateful, very grateful for every one of you.
And so I am going to leave this here with you that you don't have to have life figured all out.
You don't have to have anything figured out.
You don't have to know the details.
But what you do need to know is that you need to keep showing up and you need to keep becoming.
Thank you guys so much for being here with me today.
If you have not subscribed, go subscribe to our channel like the video and I will share the video.
And thank you.
Thank you for being here with me. And until next time, keep becoming. Bye for now.
[00:21:26] Speaker A: Everything. I love who I'm becoming.
You can't tell me nothing about this person I'm becoming.
