Episode Transcript
[00:00:14] Speaker A: I had to change how I was living. So I changed the way I eat, changed the way I felt so I could change the way I speak. I stopped listening to music that was changing now, I think then I put the liquor down. Was time to change the way I drink. Please don't take it personal. I'm taking care of me Dressing by my feet.
[00:00:32] Speaker B: Welcome to another episode of Becoming her with Ashley Martin. A space for the woman who's ready to heal, grow, and step into her next level.
Here we talk transformation, healing, purpose, and the journey to becoming the woman you were always meant to become.
I am your host, Ashley Martin, and together we are becoming.
Before we begin, let's take a deep breath together, because the breath is important, as we would all agree.
It reminds us to stay in the present moment. It keeps us in the moment or in the present. It holds us together.
And so it is always important to remember the breath. And in this conversation that we are going to have today, taking a deep breath before we begin is important and necessary.
Today we are going to be having a conversation or a discussion about a topic that many of us have personally dealt with ourselves or have dealt with it through someone else that we love or know.
And that topic today is going to going to be suicide.
It's a conversation that is hard, but it is necessary.
What I hope today with having this, bringing this conversation to you is that I will bring more awareness, that I will offer grace, and that I will remind you how important it is to do both of those things, to bring awareness, to offer grace and to offer compassion, because oftentimes when we hide behind smiles, and that's something that I am so passionate about, creating a space that fosters healing, creating a space in which we have necessary conversations that are hard.
And so today on the topic of suicide, I want to again remind you how important it is to be graceful to not only ourselves or to offer that grace and compassion, but to remember how serious the struggle is for so many people.
You know, most recently, I had this encounter with a very beautiful woman.
Very beautiful, but very tough on the exterior, like very she. When I met her, I was like, she's so pretty. But yet after listening to her, I'm like, she's tough.
But a moment happened organically in which she was triggered by the word I used to today topic suicide.
And she started crying and it literally broke her down. And after discovering that it was a very close relative who committed suicide and that it really affected her because she was actually in the same home when this happened, it made me realize how important this conversation is and how we have to bring more awareness to the silent struggles that so many of us have and face.
And so I wanted to also remind everyone how so often appearances do not tell the full story.
Again, we hide behind smiles.
We hide behind the. When someone asks, how are you today? I am doing fine. When really we're not.
And so it is so vital to not only really ask your. Your loved ones and your friends, no, really, how are you?
And it's just something that for me, it touches. You know, people say, oh, that's close to home.
It's close to home because I haven't directly lost someone to suicide, but I remember my daughter saying to me that she contemplated it because of all the things that she. She was navigating at the time with her identity. And it made me realize that although there were some things that I didn't necessarily agree with, that it was so important for me to not only be a loving mom, but to be compassionate in a sense, because God knows I don't know what I would have done or where I would be if she would have made that decision.
And unfortunately, there are so many people, so many children that have made that decision because maybe someone wasn't offering enough grace or enough compassion.
And so it is so important, and I will emphasize the word important, it's so important for us to offer compassion whenever, wherever is necessary.
I think about the time that.
And this is going to tie into the topic, of course, but I think about my dog Jack.
We got Jack when he was, I would say, about nine or ten weeks old maybe.
And I remember my husband bringing him. He was so small, and I just kind of cuddled him in my lap. And Jack quickly grew into this enormous dog. And his breed was a great Pyrenees.
And so he was humongous.
And throughout the duration of the time that we had Jack, which was probably about 10 years, over that time period, I will become so frustrated with having to clean up after Jack.
Sometimes Jack would. We. He was in home dog, for the most part, for years, for probably the first. I would say about eight, nine, eight years he was in home. He. We kept him inside and so he would mess up the floors. Sometimes we, you know, had little spaces for him. And it was just like. It was always something with Jack. And I used to get, I don't want this dog anymore. You know, it was just. That wasn't my feelings towards him all the time, but there were times that I just became really, really overwhelmed with having this big task of caring for this. This dog.
And.
And I can just remember, you know, just having those moments frequent enough.
And fast forward to year 10, because I think it was about 10 years that we had him.
I.
He became an outdoor dog, but we created a space, and my husband created a space where he went and purchased the.
It's like turf. Turf. So he wasn't really on any cement, and it was just very. It was enclosed porch area, and that's where we kept him.
And I don't think he was obviously accustomed to living outdoors, and perhaps that created some mental, you know, issues for him. Maybe he felt depressed because I started noticing changes in him. He wasn't as playful, but still, yet we. We cared for him to the best of our ability.
And I would go out on the porch every single morning and I would check on Jack, make sure he had what he needed. And oftentimes I would, you know, stare out before I would go out to go out on the porch area, which was enclosed, like I said. And I would just watch him. Watch him either if he was sleep. So most of the time he would just. He'll be asleep and I'll go and watch, wake him up because it would be pretty early when I would go get him. But nevertheless, I recall one morning I stood at our back door and I just gazed. Just, you know, I will always watch for his, you know, his breathing, basically.
And this one morning in particular, I didn't. I didn't see that.
And so I quickly. I opened up the door and what I found was a still body, cold, stiff.
And it was in that moment that the feelings that I felt were pretty unreal.
And the pain was unbearable for me to realize that this animal that had become a part, a real part of our family, his life was just gone. And I must have stayed in bed that entire day crying, having the hardest time.
And to tie it into this conversation that, like that situation and experience, I realized that we don't value, a lot of times, things until they're gone, we don't realize. Realize how important something or someone is until we don't have it anymore.
But unlike animals, and you can replace the animals, but I want you to be reminded that once we lose a person, that's it, unfortunately, you know, we can get an animal who looks the same. We. We haven't replaced Jack. And it's always so hard to think about, like, getting another dog, although the kids, they really want one now, but Jack can't be replaced. We can get another dog like Jack. We can get another pair of great pair and he's for sure.
And they, that dog may still have the same characteristics as Jack, but unlike that situation, people can't be.
And so I want you guys to be reminded that loss sometimes teaches us some of the deepest, hardest lessons.
And it's important for us to remember that once someone has transitioned, that's it.
I don't want you to be left with the feelings of, I wish I would have done more because I've experienced that way too many times.
I remember, you know, losing Jack and feeling like, I wish I would have been a little nicer. I wish I would have walked him more.
And it was too late.
And so I want to again remind you how important it is to not only be kind, offer that compassion, offer grace, you can perhaps save someone life, Convince them that they, their life has meaning, their life has purpose.
And so if you are struggling with any ideas or thoughts of suicide, I want you to know that there's help.
You could call someone that you love or trust, talk to them instead of holding your feelings in.
You can write them. You can write, you can choose to decide just the little things. I don't care how small they are. You can decide that my life has, has meaning. And you can jot the little things down. I don't care how little you think they are. You can start pinning the things down that, that helps you to remind you that I want to be here for this or that or whatever that list may be.
But your life has meaning. You matter.
And if you're someone who knows someone, who are struggling with this, these thoughts and these things, I want you to be reminded that it is so important to, not to. To never minimize someone's pain.
Sometimes we can say, well, you know, in our minds, and sometimes we articulate this, we'll verbalize that thing and say, well, it's not that bad. Don't look at it that way. But that's minimizing someone else's pain.
And that's not okay.
Allow people the space to verbalize their feelings.
And sometimes all people need is just for, for you to listen.
At the same time, you can offer them, you know, the reminder that there is help.
Sometimes professional help is needed. Support groups, all of those things are, are here to serve you in those times that you are struggling.
And so if you have made it this far in this episode, I want to say thank you. Thank you for holding space for yourself and for others.
Because it, it is these conversations that help people to feel seen, to feel heard.
And these type of conversations are great reminders. That people matter.
And that is always the space that I want to create, is a space that not only feels sacred, but a face, a space that reminds people that, you know, our healing journey matters.
We matter.
You matter.
And so if you are someone that's listening and you feel, or you've been feeling unseen and unheard and unloved, I want to remind you that there are more pages to be written in your book.
Don't give up.
You have people who are willing to support you.
And if you need a reminder, if you feel like you don't have a village, you come right back here. Come back here. And here I am reminding you that you matter.
We. We will post the suicide prevention hotline in the description, and if you ever need to use it, don't hesitate.
Thank you for being here with me today.
Thank you for holding space yourself and for others.
And be reminded that even when you're going through whatever it is that you're going through, all the mental challenges, all the thoughts of depression and perhaps even suicide, that sometimes becoming means just surviving.
Thank you for being here with me today.
Until next time, be strong and I'll see you the next time. Bye for now.
[00:18:12] Speaker A: You can't tell me nothing about this person I'm becoming.
