Episode 11

[00:00:12] Speaker A: I had to change how I was living so I changed the way I eat Changed the way I felt so I could change the way I speak I stopped listening to music that was changing now I think Then I put the liquor down Was time to change the way I drink Please don't take it personal I'm taking care of me Stressing about my future was messing up my sleep Accepted all my losses Gave myself the space to breathe finally change the things I wanted Now I know. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Just what I need welcome back to Becoming her with Ashley Martin. A place for the woman who's ready to heal, grow and step into her next level. Here we talk healing, transformation, and the journey to becoming the woman you were always meant to become. I am your host, Ashley Martin, and together we are becoming. In today's episode, I want to focus on the 10 things that I am not apologizing for. And that you shouldn't apologize for either. You know, oftentimes we have this idea that, you know, we have to commit or not really commit ourselves, but we have to be apologetic for not keeping the the commitment or saying that we can do something, then something happens or just feeling obligated to doing a thing when we really don't have the capacity to do it. So I want you to become unapologetic. Unapologetic doesn't mean that you just don't care about people. It means you care about yourself more. And there are so many sayings and adages that go hand in hand that promotes the idea of caring for yourself more. For instance, we hear you can't pour from an empty cup. You can't love others until you love yourself. Those are some of the things. Those things go hand in hand with being unapologetically yourself. So the 10 things that I am not apologizing for are one, becoming her. I am not going to apologize for becoming the brilliant, beautiful, kind of good hearted woman. And just of course, there's so many things that I can just go on and on and say, I am not going to apologize for that. I'm not going to dim my light to make others feel better about themselves. We're no longer doing that. So I want you to remember that we're no longer shrinking to make other people feel good about themselves. Number two goes hand in hand with that one. The first one, owning your success, whatever that is for you, you're not going to apologize. And we are no longer apologizing for the success that you have earned, that you've worked so hard for, that people didn't even Realize, or don't even realize that a lot of crying, a lot of prayer went behind this success, that you have a lot of hard work learning that skill, learning how to be efficient in that thing that you're doing. So why would you apologize for the success that you are experiencing right now? We are no longer apologizing for rest. Our bodies need it. And that is a way that we continue to honor our bodies. We're not AI. We're not a machine. We have to stop treating our bodies as if we can just go, go, go, go, go. So a lot of things, and I, taking that same advice, being unapologetic for the rest that I give myself, and realizing that again, it is my body's way of. My way of honoring my body. There are so many things that are constantly placed upon us, so many demands, but honoring your body helps us to ensure that those demands are met. The fourth thing that we are not apologizing for is for treating ourselves. Because when you've done the work in the dark, when you experience the success, when you honor your body with the rest, let's treat ourselves and treating ourselves. I'm not referring to going out and buying that Louis bag or something that's tangible. Treating yourself with experiences, vacationing, you know, taking the road trip. It doesn't always mean having to go to St. Lucia or, you know, the extravagant places and the beautiful places, although there's nothing wrong with that. But realize that you can take that road trip. I'm in South Carolina, and one of the things that, you know, I do quite frequently, not frequent enough, but I take a trip to Myrtle Beach. It's a couple hours away. I'm right here. It's like next door to Columbia, and it's even closer to my hometown. Shout out to Lake City, South Carolina, but even closer to that. So I remember growing up and having those beautiful memories with. With my family and us always vacationing. So taking a road trip to someplace that is pretty close for you to, you know, that's drivable, that's durable. So we're not apologizing for treating ourselves with the experiences, vacationing. Right. Another thing that we are not apologizing for is our no. Not apologizing for saying no. And we're not apologizing with a long draft, an explanation, if you will, as to why we said no. No, I can't attend that gathering right now. No, I won't be able to make it to that. That dinner. I won't be able to make it to that meeting. I won't be able to make it to work. You don't have. Let's stop normalizing lying. I can't come personal reasoning reasons that personal means that I don't want to tell you, I don't have to tell you. And I know that some may say, well okay, that's, that's your suggestion. But if I call out to work and say that there's some personal reason and I can't come to work, then the next day I might not have a job. And you know what? I'm not suggesting that it's okay, but what I am suggesting is realizing that maybe that is not the path that you need to be on. Maybe you need another job if it is that simple. Because if something happens to you today, if you transition, that job will replace you. So if you have to call out for a mental health day, so be it. We just have to get to the point where we realize that honoring ourselves means that we are unapologetic about the way that we do things. Now I am not suggesting in any way, shape or form that we are unkind, that we are rude to people, that we are not considerate of other people's feelings. What I am simply conveying is the, the fact that we have to honor ourselves more. And I don't want to exclude God for whatever that your belief system look like that how higher power. Don't exclude that source. When you honor yourself, you honor source. So we're halfway through our list. Number six. One thing we're not apologizing for, and that I'm certainly not apologizing for, is the way that I speak. I know that sounds simple, but some people may say, I don't like the way you always use those slang words. I don't like your dialect or I don't like the way your inflection. I don't like the way you always say whatever. That's it goes back to number one. We're not apologizing for the way that we, we speak. I speak how I speak. I always leave room for improvement. But if you don't like how I speak, to the left, to the left. That simple. Number six. Number seven, we're no longer apologizing for being happy. You know, people say, oh, we've heard again adage. We've heard the old saying, misery loves company. And sometimes we unconsciously, subconsciously try to accommodate that misery. Because sometimes that misery comes in the form of a spouse, a relative, sometimes our own kids, if you have grown kids. Fortunately, that is not my case. But you know, you have miserable people and miserable, miserable people. Misery loves company. But we are no longer apologizing for being happy. And when we choose to be happy, that means that anything that doesn't serve that happiness, we eliminate. I am not suggesting. I feel like I have to insert these disclaimers, but we're not. I'm not suggesting that you cut your kids off or your spouse off. What I'm simply suggesting is that when that situation arises where. Here it comes. Okay, here they go. You dismiss yourself. You can choose to be in the midst of something. Like, be like on that. Be in the midst of, let's say, the hurricane. And speaking of hurricane, prayers to all the people in Jamaica, in Cuba, because in real time, right now, as I speak, they just encounter one of the worst Category 5 hurricanes. I believe in history. So shout out to my. My Jamaican brothers and sisters, my Cuban brothers and sisters. My prayers are with you guys. Continue to have the faith. You guys are so resilient and. And continue to be unapologetically you, because we love you and we are praying for you. So I had to take that moment to acknowledge my brothers and sisters and. But being unapologetically happy. So again, when you have someone who is not serving that happiness that you feel and that you enjoy, you have to dismiss yourself. There are so many times that I've experienced, you know, just a situation where I'm so happy, and it's like, okay, here it comes. And what I have learned to do is just simply turn that switch off. Like, no, no, you're. You're not. You're not going to make me feel that burden of what you. What you are experiencing. I will give you some solid advice if I can, if I have that capacity, but what I'm not gonna do is be unapologetic for my happiness and my peace and the joy that I feel. So I think we are at number eight. I might be losing count, so I might give you a bonus one. Number eight. We're no longer apologizing. And I'm certainly no longer apologizing for being a great mom. And someone would say, what? You lost me on that one. Like, who will apologize for being a great mom? There's a lot of people that will apologize for being a great mom. Stay with me. What I mean is that a lot of times we choose our ability to do all the things we have to get the money, we have to do this and do that, and we are not present for our kids. I'm not apologizing for being a great mom. I get to be a mom. And that is the way that I want you to frame all of the things from here on out, if you haven't done this, I want you to frame your mind with you. You get to do a thing, you get to be a good mom, you get to be a present mom, you get to be, you know, a good spouse. You get to be a good friend. Don't apologize for it because the world will have you thinking that some of those things, like, oh, you need to do this, you need to do that, but don't apologize for being a great mom. And even for my fathers, for the guys out there, don't apologize for being a great dad. Even in the midst of the shenanigans and whatever you might be experiencing, if it's an ex involve or, you know, whatever, still be a great father, be a Great mom. Number 10. And this is probably the most important one for me. I am no longer apologizing for my beliefs. My beliefs are my beliefs and I am not going to apologize for believing what I believe. That's my spiritual beliefs, my fundamental beliefs. And a lot of times we again, we shrink. We try to become so almost like a chameleon. A chameleon where we change our shades and just to fit and accommodate other people. Oh, you think that way? Oh, well, I think this way, but. And we're swayed. But stand firm in your truth. Be unapologetically who you are at all times and realize that the world doesn't need. And this is for my women. The world doesn't need more women who has mastered being so polite like politeness. The world needs women who are grounded, who are firm in what they believe and who. Who they are. That's what the world needs more of. So I hope that you enjoyed my 10 tips and if I gave you a bonus one, that's great. Please, if you found this useful, share this with a friend. We're gearing up towards the holidays and we all can use the reminder that there are just some things that we are no longer apologizing for. So again, if you found it helpful, please share it with someone. Let's keep the conversation going and share with me, what are your tips? If your tips are anything, if you have tips that's different from the ones I've shared, I would love to hear them. Perhaps you can give me even more tips. So let's keep the conversation going. You can find me on Facebook at Becoming her with Ashley Martin. You can also find me on TikTok and Instagram @ Becoming with Ashley. I would love to hear your tips. Let's keep the conversation going. And in closing, I want to remind you to stay grounded and to always remember you're not behind. You are becoming. Bye for now. [00:16:35] Speaker A: Everything I want to be and everything.